Without Mum

This post is on a very personal note…
To start off with. My Mum died back in May. Unexpected, yet expected.

Without going to much into detail, she has fought cancer for many many years. But in the end this asshole illness was stronger.
The moment of letting go came totally unexpected, no one, from family to doctors expected it. At least not then.
However, luckily I could be with her the morning of THE day and hopefully she felt she wasn’t alone when leaving this world forever…

The months before her death were tough, she had lost weight, she was weak, often tired, but still never giving up and always thinking positive. Enjoying every day as much as possible in her condition. Drawing such an immense power from her grand children…

But now, after 3 months, there is still this empty space, in our hearts, at home…
This hurting feeling of missing. Sometimes more, sometimes less.
All the first  „without Mum“ moments coming closer and closer.
The third birthday of our girls…
My 30th birthday…
Christmas time…

Still trying to grasp that all these days I have to spend without her.
Now and forever.
That she will only be with us in our thoughts, in our hearts, in our memories.

I do not know how I will survive these first without days yet.
Probably with a heavy heart. Let alone the tears I will shad.
But maybe also with a smile, remembering the times I spend those days with her and all the love and laughter we shared…

In this spirit, enjoy every moment, every day to the fullest.
Do not led negative thoughts and people impact or rule your life.
That is a lesson I am still trying to learn from my Mum.
And which is something, I think, everyone should try to seek.

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